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Escrito en TEMPO (Turquía)
Julio de 2009
BIRLESME OLMADAN SEKS OLUR MU?
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IS SEX WITHOUT COITUS INCOMPLETE?
I remember perfectly well the first time that I had a wonderful orgasm. I was around 30. Yes, I know, a lot of readers are going to think that I was quite old when I lost my virginity…The fact is that I was not virgin anymore. As I already explained in my first book: “I lost my virginity on 17th July 1984, at 02.46.50 in the morning. When you’re fifteen, you never forget a moment like that”
“There is something wrong”, you are going to say. Yes, there is something wrong, but it has nothing to do with me. There is something wrong and that is that I live in a patriarchal society.
If you ask people what they understand by sexual intercourse, most of them (I am not going to be risky saying that 100% of them…) are going to say that sexual intercourse is synonymous with penetration (coitus, to sound more serious…). Sexuality is always explained from a male point of view. And the legs of our society are three: the phallus, the coitus and the couple. This is the model of our sexuality. The most important practise of this model is the coitus which is the purpose, the big aim of sex. The phallus is the element, within the sexual game, that the model is more worried about. Who, men, do not know how long your penis is? How many women do know how long is her vagina? Another example: why, in the XXI century, we still don’t know if the G-spot exists, if female ejaculation exists, etc…? Perhaps the right question is not if they exist or not, but why we still don’t know about these points.
The couple is by far the most common erotic society of our model, because it is a family model which demands that the fruit of sex has to be protected, educated, humanized, and responsible. Erotic practises which go beyond the couple are still considered anomalies and depravities (like orgies), simple condemned extravagances, caused irrevocably by the lack of love.
Sex without penetration is still inconceivable. If there is no penetration, you don’t have sex, but only an attempt. Or you simply have what we love most to speak about: preliminaries. But the preliminaries only prepare to the big aim: penetration. And if you prefer to play and have preliminaries and then you stop, you will be considered a pervert. Not in vain the first meaning of the word “perversion” is: “any practises which stop in the preliminaries”. For example: watching naked bodies. If you observe a naked person and have an orgasm, everybody is going to accuse you of being a pervert. Nevertheless, you are not hurting someone. You are just having sex.
Sigmund Freud, with his psychoanalysis, helped to feed and reinforce this idea. He made the difference between mature and immature women. Mature women were women who had vaginal orgasms and immature women had only clitoral orgasms. We are still living with this idea. Female sexuality is such a mystery that it is better to be a “vaginal” or a “clitoral” woman. Nobody explains that the vagina has no nervous endings and that the coitus, in our case, does not result in orgasm.